Masochism, Pain or Abuse? Responses. Mainly Anonymised.
Anonymous response:
“Erm i am masso but i cry scream and run away from the pain. Id be upset if someone stopped. Weve sadly not managed to arrange a proper play between each other but you are on my i want list as i trust you. I know many people who have played with you and they have all enjoyed it. I would say with confidence that you are not abusive. X”
From Nimue, english BDSM model:
“As someone who has worked with you on very, very many occasions over the past 6 or 7 years it must be, and also being someone who flinches away from the pain, screams and cries, I have to say, that this style of play is NOT abusive and criminal. It is the style of play I love to do! Just because I’m a masochist doesn’t mean that the pain doesn’t hurt – it just means that it hurts and i get pleasure from it, on some level.
From a personal point of view, I love the sort of play that has me crying and screaming. Crying can be incredibly cathartic, and for me, leaves me with a wonderful feeling of peace afterwards.
As someone who has worked as crew on the sites behind the camera for several years now as well, I know that most (if not all) of the most extreme ideas come from the models themselves. And often the models who are screaming and crying the most while the cameras are rolling, as soon as a cut is called, are talking calmly and rationally and if you saw just those moments, you’d never realise they were in the middle of living out an extreme bdsm scene. And at the end of the scene they have enjoyed the experience – I know I always have!
As far as I’m concerned, abuse is doing something that the sub/slave/slut/masochist/model doesn’t want, which is always something you take great care to avoid. There is always the opportunity for models (even mid-scene) to communicate that something isn’t working for them and to ask for the scene to change direction, or end entirely.
I could go on more, but I think I have rambled on enough for now, but I will be following the discussion with interest!”
Andrea, english fetish model and lifestyle sub:
What a great topic!! Okies i feel i should put my input in being Magicks R/L Submissive, I am very much a Masochist, in play I want, need pain, thats not to say i dont try and ecape it or flinch from it, the only way i can explain it is, the further im pushed , the more erotic and turned on i get, Magick over time has opened my mind to so many diffrent ways to deal with pain and has helped me to understand it and process it.
Yes i cry and yes i cry lots, does that mean i have to end the scene because tears are apparant??? Hell No!!! id be most dissapointed if it stopped because my reactions show to some im out of my depth, We all have diffrent veiws on how pain should be administrated and yes some take more than others, but that doesnt mean were weak minded and just stand the pain for the sake of it, to me that would just be russian roulette with yourself.
If i want to do something that is dangerous to some but more foreplay to me, Magick will take in to account the risks invovled and we will discuss it throughly before we try it etc.
Magick has built my Masochistic tendancies up throughout my D/s with him and he will read me very very well, he knows when im struggling and he will not push me further but he also knows when whatever hes doing, there will be tears, there will be screams and begging, but thats me responding to the pain as it flows through my body and mind, he knows that it excites me, and he knows that if i feel im serious trouble i will call RED!!!! and immediatly the play will stop, I have grown so much in myself over the time with him, and yes to some who dont understand masochists when you see someone crying and begging, it looks harsh, but you do have to understand that submissives/masochists are as much in control as the Top/Dominant, its all very equal in many ways, theyre giving you what you need, again some think because you cry easily, youre in serious pain, thats so not the case, its a release, a natral emotion, if youre doing it right you know you have the confidence to call a agreed safe word if you feel you cant cope or sense danger, however far that danger is for you depends on the Masochist, but i can honestly and truly say Magick has never taken me to anywhere i sure didnt want to go, he reads me/or whoever he plays with very well, if he feels i/they can go further he will take me/them there always with the understanding that if i/they need it to stop, he will stop. Despite what the eye leads us to belive, its is very consensual, you just have to look deeperand understand it thats all.
I trust Magick with my life, hence our Ds is very strong and healthy.”
Keep the responses coming to this most interesting topic!